Lesbianism.

Seriously considering it at this point.

I mean honestly, how hard is it to find a decent man in this day and age? The vast majority of men I've come across lately are only interested in a 'No strings attached' relationship. 

I'm sorry.

But what happened to the days where men and women used to date? 

Have I missed the boat on that one?

Ugh!

No peace, No pie.

Just get out.

Bye.

Crush(ed)

I've been thinking about a lot of things as of late. I've been thinking about how much of a waste these past couple of months have been, on my part. I've been thinking that I shouldn't invest any more time and thought into what could have been. But then again, I feel that I'm delusional to even suggest that there was something there to begin with. I have a tendency, like most girls, to over analyse every word, look, smile and touch. Every social interaction. It must mean something, right?

Wrong.

I think about you more often then I'd like to admit. I think about your eyes, your smile, your voice. The way you walk, the way you talk. Your overzealous personality. That fire you have, burning deep down inside of you. I also think of the poor, weak creature you are sometimes. Your insecurities, your downfalls, and your bad habits. How you're not as strong of a person you make yourself out to be.

I often think about how I would just like a chance to get to know you better. I would like to hear more about your life up until now. The stories that you've shared with me so far, have given me a good insight as to the person you are, and the person you wanted to be. I know you probably don't think much about me. And to be honest, you don't know very much about me either. I guess you've never been inclined to ask, and that's fine. My life probably isn't the most exciting thing to talk about. A naive, sheltered girl such as myself wouldn't have too many interesting stories to tell.

Sometimes I wish I could just forget. Forget all the pain and suffering I've needlessly put myself though. The long nights of lament. The questions I'm too afraid to find answers for. 'Does he like me? Will he realize how I feel? And what if he does? What am I to do after that? What if he doesn't feel the same?' I wish I had the courage, and the confidence to say the things I want to say. I wish I could tell him exactly how I feel, just to get it out there. But I'm afraid. Afraid of  the hurt and rejection that lies around the corner. Like an old, unwanted friend waiting to waltz back into my life.

I want to forget. 

I was a much happier person not having of met you before I did.


I hope this doesn't come off as creepy in any way possible. It just felt good to put my thoughts and feelings down where nobody will really see it. If you do happen to find it, I'm sorry.

Nothing to say.

What's there to say, when you've said it all?

This probably means nothing now, but

I'm sorry. 

Shit got real, and I got scared. 

I guess now I'll just be someone you used to know. 

A year in review

As this year comes to a close, I would like to take this time to reflect and share with you all my experiences in 2011.

- January 2011 -

My year started with a gurgle, a burp and a burn that I couldn't quite explain. It started with a sense of dread and extreme nausea that wouldn't seem to pass. I couldn't bring myself to eat even the tiniest morsel of food even if the hunger in my belly was too much to bare. The sight of food was just simply revolting. I went a solid week without eating anything before I realized what was wrong with me. I had an extreme case of GERD brought on by excessive pop consumption. I vowed to to never drink pop again. A close family friend and a respected member of our community also passed away this month. RIP Joanne. We miss you every day!

I also started my GED classes this month.

-February 2011 -

One month into dealing with GERD. One month Pop free. Starting to feel a bit better, but not enough to have a healthy appetite. Nausea still plagued me. GED classes are going well. We celebrated my brothers 28th birthday.

-March 2011 -

Feeling back to my old self again. Dropped 60 pounds in the course of 3 months. Finally able to eat an entire meal with no fear of GERD symptoms. GED classes end. Went to take my test. Awaiting results. We also had a baby shower for Jaime and Little Alexa who has yet to greet us with her presence.

-April 2011 -

GED Results come back. Passed 4/5 classes with flying colours. Failed my math by one point. Are you freaking kidding me? Went to Burnt Church to do the retake. Stayed in a sleezy motel that was infested with ants. Had a blast.

-May 2011 -

Finally the day has come to meet our little bundle of joy. Little Alexa comes into the world. Went to a mothers day social with my mom, my sister and myself. It was great. Bonus, the weathers starting to get warmer, and there's no sign of snow!

- June 2011 -

Marks the 30th anniversary of the day our reserve was raided. I also Reconnected with the one person who meant the world to me. My dear friend Barry. We had a heart filled conversation, and cried my eyes out over the phone. Definitely the highlight of my year. The very next day I was kicked out of my house. Moved in with my sister.

- July 2011 -

Moved back home and made amens with my mom. Got hired at Metallics, and showed up late on my very first day. Also, this month marks the 50th anniversary of the J.C Vanhornne bridge. Also, Canada day!

- August 2011 -

Pow-wow time in Listuguj. Unfortunately due to my work schedule, I wasn't able to enjoy it fully.

- September 2011 -

My Nephew started Nursery! He also celebrated his 4th birthday. The weathers still warm, and tried to enjoy what was left of summer.

- October 2011 -

My Birthday. I turned 23 this year which made a real impact on my life. I realized that I'm getting older, and that I need to start getting my life in gear. I also became more active on my blog this month. My dad turned 55 this month!

- November 2011 -

My sister celebrated her 24th birthday this month. I've been working at metallics for 4 long months. Ate a lot of junk food, gained a lot of weight. 60 pounds to be exact. Woe is definitely me.

- December 2011 -

By far the most stressful month of them all. Christmas had me spent mentally and physically. My Mom celebrated her 50th birthday. A half a century!!

So, i guess that's my year in review. A lot of fun and exciting things happened in 2011. So many things that I'm thankful for. I hope 2012 will be just as good.

See you all in the new year!

Until next time, Peace and pie everyone!

~Annie

Ramblings

A few interesting things worth mentioning happened to me this past month. I guess they sort of relate to my quest in finding love and my place in the world.

I met this guy on a popular dating site called Plenty of fish a few weeks ago. He's nice, funny, sweet and charming. Everything I look for in a guy. We started chatting lightly for awhile, but up until recently it's become a little more serious. He wants to meet me in person, but I'm a little apprehensive about following through and meeting up with him.

I'm not sure what to expect if I do go out and meet him. We actually made plans to meet, but by the end of it I called it off citing that I would have been too busy that day. I think it might have put him off on me because our conversations haven't really been the same since.

Now that I think about it in retrospect, I'm pretty sure that I was just afraid to have been judged by him if I didn't meet his expectations. Rejection has become such a moving force in my life, that I base my daily social interactions around it.

I guess this is one aspect of myself that needs to be addressed before I can have any hopes of leading a successful and healthy relationship. But I mean, how would I even begin to fix these issues when I've been knocked down so hard in the past?

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Another story worth mentioning is an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago while at work. You see, I work at a local convenience store where I interact with a lot of different people.

Well, anyway there was this old man, who I would say was in about his early to mid 60's who came in to gamble on the poker machines. And every time this man would come, he would ask me these seemingly innocent questions. Stuff like "Oh what's your name?" "Do you work here often?"

I never really thought anything of it and would answer his questions. After awhile his questions got a little bit too personal. He eventually started asking me things like "Do you have a boyfriend, Are you Married, Do you have Children?" The way he would talk too would be in a sort of whisper where I would have to be close enough to him to hear it. I think he did this purposely so he could stare at my chest, WHICH I caught him doing a number of times..

Anyway, one day he comes in while I'm working, he sits down at the machines and starts talking to me. by this time, I'm only answering his questions with one word reply's. He then goes on to ask me if I was a shy girl, because every time he came in, I never really said much. I tell him yeah, that I'm just a little bit shy. And he says "Oh. I don't want to say too much then, but are you sexually active?" Oh boy, that really took the cake. I just looked at him, and walked away without answering.

It's crap like this that really makes me angry. I can't seem to attract the younger more age appropriate men. It's always the old, greasy gross me out kind of men who are always ogling me. Ugh.

So my question to you readers is, Have you ever had to deal with perverted old men at your work place? If so, what did you do about it? Leave me a comment, and tell me your story. Would like to know if anyone out there can relate to my experiences. Ahaha.

Well, I guess this is it concering my little update. I hope you all enjoyed reading it. And remember, if you like what you see, subscribe to me. Let me know you're reading!

Until next time

Peace&Pie everyone!

~Annie

Dear Santa

I won't ask for much this Christmas, I won't even't wish for snow.

Just some tender loving kisses, underneath the mistletoe.

Signed - Just another lonely girl.