Commitment

Oh my, It certainly has been quite a while since I've written to you all! Too much time has past since my last entry, almost a year to be exact. I do apologize for the lack of postings, and from now on, I'll try my best to keep up.

Anyway, enough with all that, lets get on with today's topic.
What I would like to write about is commitment and my lack there of.

All my life I haven't been the most committed or ambitious person around, and I can only assume that this is one of the reasons as to why I'm still single today. The only person I can ever truly blame in this situation is myself. I never sought after a solution to my problems, and only became more complacent in my current day to day life. 

The truth is, I'm all but complacent. I would like nothing more than to change that aspect of my life. But I lack the motivation and drive to do so. I feel as if I don't have anything to strive for, no expectation to meet, and no goal to reach for at the end of the finish line.

Another problem that I face on a daily basis, is the fact that I'm overwhelmingly selfish in terms of my free time. I enjoy solitude in the sense that I can be locked up in my room for days, without a thought to the outside world. If I was to be in a relationship, how would I be able to overcome this? It's hard enough making time for my friends, let alone a boyfriend.

Which often leads me to wonder to myself, would it be possible to live a fulfilling life being the sort of person that I am today? Would I be able to come to accept the fact, that if my choices lead me to a life of solitude and loneliness, could I ever truly be happy? Just me, myself and I? 

While I do enjoy loneliness in a sense, I don't think I could build a meaningful life around it. Life is meant to be shared with those you choose to let in, and share with. Good times, bad times, and everything else in between. I have those people who I've let in, and yet, I can't shake the feeling that something else is missing. 

I think that a vital part of living, is to experience the unconditional love that comes along with life. You get your first taste of what it's like to be loved when you're younger, but as you grow, something changes inside your heart, and you feel the need to find love in others. 

As much as I fear it, I need to change. I need to find my motivation just as much as I need to be committed, even if it's just for me.

Until next time, 

Peace & Pie.

Annie~