Crush(ed)

I've been thinking about a lot of things as of late. I've been thinking about how much of a waste these past couple of months have been, on my part. I've been thinking that I shouldn't invest any more time and thought into what could have been. But then again, I feel that I'm delusional to even suggest that there was something there to begin with. I have a tendency, like most girls, to over analyse every word, look, smile and touch. Every social interaction. It must mean something, right?

Wrong.

I think about you more often then I'd like to admit. I think about your eyes, your smile, your voice. The way you walk, the way you talk. Your overzealous personality. That fire you have, burning deep down inside of you. I also think of the poor, weak creature you are sometimes. Your insecurities, your downfalls, and your bad habits. How you're not as strong of a person you make yourself out to be.

I often think about how I would just like a chance to get to know you better. I would like to hear more about your life up until now. The stories that you've shared with me so far, have given me a good insight as to the person you are, and the person you wanted to be. I know you probably don't think much about me. And to be honest, you don't know very much about me either. I guess you've never been inclined to ask, and that's fine. My life probably isn't the most exciting thing to talk about. A naive, sheltered girl such as myself wouldn't have too many interesting stories to tell.

Sometimes I wish I could just forget. Forget all the pain and suffering I've needlessly put myself though. The long nights of lament. The questions I'm too afraid to find answers for. 'Does he like me? Will he realize how I feel? And what if he does? What am I to do after that? What if he doesn't feel the same?' I wish I had the courage, and the confidence to say the things I want to say. I wish I could tell him exactly how I feel, just to get it out there. But I'm afraid. Afraid of  the hurt and rejection that lies around the corner. Like an old, unwanted friend waiting to waltz back into my life.

I want to forget. 

I was a much happier person not having of met you before I did.


I hope this doesn't come off as creepy in any way possible. It just felt good to put my thoughts and feelings down where nobody will really see it. If you do happen to find it, I'm sorry.